The very day Taylor turned 3 months I hit the gym. 3 months is the minimum age the child care center will take care of your baby. I've been going hard ever since.... or at least I thought I was. Keep in mind it has been well over a year since I have worked out. I took a "hiatus" before I got pregnant, and anyone who has been pregnant knows how hard it is to pick up where you left off. All l wanted to do is sleep or curl up on the couch with a bag of doritos.
So on Monday I did the barbell class. Basically it's a weightlifting class where you use the barbell and hand weights to work your entire body. It was only my third time in class so I haven't really built up my muscles yet to use heavy weights. I put 5 lbs on each side of my barbell (light, but doable). Shortly after the class started the guy behind me tapped me on the shoulder and said, with a smile, "you know, there are more weights over there." He then giggled, and I giggled back. But what I really wanted to say was "look ass hole. I'm new. I just had a baby. Give me a break. And why are you in this class? These classes are designed for chicks!" But I held my tongue. I then began to look around the room only to realize that EVERYONE had more weight on their bar than me. I was too embarrassed to get more weight (I didn't want him to know that he was right?!?). And what was even more embarrassing is that most of the girls in the class are half my size (I'm kind of tall). As I was looking at everyone in the mirror I also noticed that everyone had on cute workout outfits. What happened to t-shirts? I felt like the frumpy, fat, weak girl.
The gym is intimidating, but I'm here to conquer it. Screw the other moms with their boobs up to their chin that don't move. Their tight spandex pants and tank tops. Their perfectly placed pony tails. My boobs aren't to my chin cause their real. I just had a baby so I don't do tank tops yet. My hair is a mess because I'm trying to conceal my stick out ears.
Wow... I sound bitter. It's really not that bad. I'm sure no one is judging me. I'm my own worst critic and I am very hard on myself. I will keep going in my t-shirts and messy hair because I'm there for me and me only. And next Monday, I will load up my bar. I might even lay a few extra weights out to the side in case I'm feeling extra strong.